Theroux’s documentary Inside the Manosphere was released the other day, and I was left disappointed.

It focuses on the wrong thing. Theroux highlights how bad the manosphere and the “red-pill” movement is, and how its leaders are exploiting young men. That part is true. But that’s all it points to. It never really asks why millions of young men resonate with the message.

They’re not getting pulled in because they’re stupid, and they’re not getting “pilled” because masculinity is inherently toxic and this somehow proves it. That explanation is missing the point.

We’ve seen this before. The same lack of understanding, the same moral high-grounding, the same echo-chamber thinking that had people blindsided by Brexit and then blindsided again by Trump. Twice.

When large groups of people move in a certain direction and the response is confusion or dismissal, it usually means something real is being missed.

The reason the manosphere is attracting young men is because something in what they’re saying matches their experience and reality. For a lot of young men, there is very little space where their experience is actually named without being immediately reframed or corrected.

The manosphere is one of the only places that actually validates the challenges they feel. It says: “Being a man is hard. No one cares about you. No one is coming to save you. You have to toughen up… and here’s how.”

Life often feels like that for young men. That message is not entirely wrong either.

The manosphere also offers a clear picture of what it means to be a man. It is one of the only places in society that clearly says being a man is good. And right now, that’s rare.

In the modern age, there is a lack of clarity around what it means to be a man. We are no longer (and can no longer) be defined purely as breadwinners, in an age where women are in the workforce, often better educated and even earning more. This shift is not a problem in itself. But it has removed a simple, widely understood role that men could orient themselves around - a role which society demanded of men.

So what replaces it?

What do men bring to the table if not money? What are the good characteristics of masculinity? Modern society doesn’t currently provide a strong answer. At times, it feels like the closest thing is to suggest that men should be less like men, without offering a clear alternative of what to become.

So you get this gap in empathy and a gap in vision, and into that gap, the manosphere steps in and provides its answer.

Of course it lands! Even if it’s incomplete, even if it’s distorted, even if it's toxic.

Because at least it does three things that society currently isn’t doing: it sees them, affirms them, and gives them direction. If that’s the only place doing all three for young men, then that’s where they’ll go.

It’s a mistake to just attack the manosphere's solution. It’s easy to say the manosphere is toxic and misleading. The key question is this: why is it working?

Until we can answer this question properly and honestly, nothing will change.

If we actually want to change the outcome, we have to go deeper than what we're doing currently. We have to look at what we don't look at as a society. We have to engage with our young men, show them empathy, and help them to create a vision for their lives.

We don’t get young men back on track by tearing down the manosphere. We do it by giving them something better to move towards.

That starts with a new vision for masculinity in the modern age. Not one built on dominance or posturing, but on responsibility. One that takes strength seriously, but doesn’t need to prove it all the time. One that can build, provide, lead, and also relate, without collapsing into either softness or aggression.

It also means redefining what masculine characteristics and energy look like in the world today.

What does it mean to lead as a man today? Not control, based on hierarchy and roles, but perhaps by example. Perhaps it's more about taking responsibility in different ways.

What does it mean to provide? Not just financially, but in presence, in stability, in direction.

What does it mean to protect? Not only physical safety, but emotional safety. The ability to hold yourself and others without becoming reactive or closed.

Discipline. Emotional control. Responsibility that doesn’t collapse into pressure or resentment.

Something like this.

Because until there is a compelling version of masculinity that is both clear and contextualised for the modern age, until they feel seen, heard and accepted, we will keep losing good, young men.