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When gratefulness isn’t so great

From a young age we are taught that we should be grateful for the things we have in life. Various faith traditions across the globe, from the Buddhism of the east to the Christian west, also reinforce this teaching.

I fully affirm this message. Only once we have learned how to be grateful for what we have, will be able to appreciate anything extra we gain in life above a transitory sense of pleasure. True gratefulness is an antidote to greed and a key ingredient to happiness and fulfilment. It is a marker of true self-confidence, not needing to derive self-worth from constantly competing and comparing against those around you or partaking in ‘middle-class Olympics’ (or even upper-class Olympics).

Gratefulness is good. Great, even — it’s the path to happiness and fulfilment for goodness’ sake! So what’s my issue with it then, you ask?

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FIg 1. Gratefulness is the path to Happiness and Fulfilment Mountain (I seem to like mountains)

The danger arises when we take the truth of gratefulness and misuse it as an excuse for their inertia or to cover up their fear of taking action to make a difference in their lives and the lives of others.

Where you’re in a job where the culture is toxic, your boss is a slave driver and you don’t really enjoy the work but you tell yourself “I should be grateful to even have a job. Since the Great Financial Crisis the job market sucks. There are people with less fortunate backgrounds that would kill to have my job…my life.”

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Fig 2. I’m so grateful

 

Or where you have a partner who you know isn’t right for you (there’s no reciprocated love or even an abusive relationship) but think “I should be grateful to just have someone. In some parts of the world the male to female ratio is so high that so many men will die single. I should be happy with what I have.” (sorry about the ridiculous example…)

Fig 2. I’m so grateful

Or where you have a partner who you know isn’t right for you (there’s no reciprocated love or even an abusive relationship) but think “I should be grateful to just have someone. In some parts of the world the male to female ratio is so high that so many men will die single. I should be happy with what I have.” (sorry about the ridiculous example…)

You can see how the pretence of gratefulness is preventing the individual taking action to improve their situation — to take the first steps towards fulfilment. There’s something else going on here too. You could even argue that the first individual is (in a way) actually being ungrateful, in that they are not truly recognising, and thereby not utilising, their privileged position. If they truly felt so strongly for those from less fortunate backgrounds I’d say go do something to improve the situation for them!

Now I’m not here to convince you that you should practice gratefulness, or that if you are in a privileged position there’s a moral duty on you to use it for you and hopefully the world (although I do believe that). Nor am I saying that making changes in either of those circumstances is simple or easy, or that the horrible situations in either case are due to the fault of the individual in question.

I’m just saying that if you’re going to play ‘the moral card’ for not trying to create a better life for yourself and those around you, it’s B.S. So let’s cut the crap and go live out our dreams!